Parable of the “Isms” (or) You Have Two Cows

A modern day take on an agitprop classic

Don’t take my cows, man

You Have Two Cows

Capitalism: You have two cows. You’re not happy with just two cows so you take other people’s cows. You get the people with no cows to look after your cows. You give them a little milk for their effort and say it’s natural or that God wants it that way.


The original “Parable of the Isms” was published under the name Ann Landers. Ann Landers was a character/pen name created by the Chicago Sun-Times and used to offer “advice” through their syndicated advice column throughout the United States. In December 27, 2001, in response to a question by an “inner city English teacher” who wanted to know how to explain communism, socialism, and fascism without having to get into a history lesson, the paper reprinted the Parable of the Isms, or the “You have two cows” satire. Lander’s version of the parable goes like this:

Chicago Sun Version

Socialism: You have two cows. Give one cow to your neighbour.



Eschatological poetry, and sometimes some other stuff

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